American
Legion
Vietnam War Memorial
Post 639
Thanksgiving 2009
Thanksgiving Cartoons
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Thanksgiving One Liners
What did the mama turkey
say to her naughty son?
If your papa could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!
Asked to write a
composition entitled, "What I'm thankful for on
Thanksgiving,"
little Timothy wrote, "I am thankful that I'm not a turkey."
What key has legs and
can't open doors?
A Turkey.
Why did the turkey cross
the road?
It was the chicken's day off.
f the Pilgrims were
alive today, what would they be most famous for?
Their AGE
Why can't you take a
turkey to church?
Because they use such FOWL language
What are the feathers on
a turkey's wings called?
Turkey feathers
What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving?
The turkey trot
Can a turkey jump higher than the Empire State Building?
Yes - a building can't jump at all
What do you get when you
cross a turkey with an octopus?
Enough drumsticks for Thanksgiving
How can you make a turkey float?
You need 2 scoops of ice cream, some root beer, and a turkey
What kind of music did the Pilgrims like?
Plymouth Rock
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers?
The outside
Why did they let the turkey join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks
Why did the police
arrest the turkey?
They suspected it of fowl play
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner?
The turKEY
What did the turkey say before it was roasted?
Boy! I'm stuffed!
Where did the first corn come from?
The stalk brought it
Why did the Indian chief wear so many feathers?
To keep his wigwam
What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian?
He had an arrow escape
How did the Mayflower show that it liked America?
It hugged the shore
Thanksgiving Jokes
Top Ten Things that Sound Dirty at Thanksgiving but Aren't...9. "Whew...that's one terrific spread!"
8. "I am in the mood for a little dark meat!"
7. "Tying the legs together will keep the inside moist."
6. "Talk about a HUGE breast!"
5. "And he forces his way into the end zone!"
4. "She's 5000 pounds fully inflated and it takes 15 men to hold her down."
3. "It's cool whip time!"
2. "If I don't unbutton my pants, I am going to burst!"
. . . and the number one thing that sounds dirty at Thanksgiving but isn't . .
1. "It must be broken 'cause when I push on the tip, nothing squirts out."
10. You'll know that your turkey is a Butterball rather than a Grade E yet semi-edible fur ball.
9. Your mother will not be serving your mashed potatoes and stuffing
with an ice cream scooper.
8. Pumpkin pie is a great alternative to green Jello.
7. After your eighth glass of cider, your emergency dash to the
bathroom will not be delayed by having to line the seat with toilet
paper.
6. Clean underwear, comfortable bed, access to a car, bedroom larger
than a 12x14 cell... OK, even if it is for only four days.
5. To eat your meals the only trek you'll have to make is from the
couch to the kitchen, rather than the dorm to the dining hall...in
below freezing weather.
4. Instead of listening to "when I first started teaching
here..." you can be entertained by "when your mother was
your age..." and "during the Depression we weren't lucky
enough to have brussels sprouts. Hell, all we could afford was the
sprout!"
3. You can eat your corn steamed with butter rather than popped in
your microwave
2. You'll know the hair in the shower drain is your own.
1. You won't be eating your Thanksgiving meal off a tray!
T'was the night of Thanksgiving, but I just couldn't sleep I tried counting backwards, I tried counting sheep.
The leftovers beckoned -- the dark meat and white, but I fought the
temptation with all of my might.
Tossing and turning with anticipation, the thought of a snack became
infatuation.
So, I raced to the kitchen, flung open the door and gazed at the
fridge, full of goodies galore.
I gobbled up turkey and buttered potatoes, pickles and carrots, beans
and tomatoes.
I felt myself swelling so plump and so round, till all of a sudden, I
rose off the ground.
I crashed through the ceiling, floating into the sky With a mouthful
of pudding and a handful of pie
But, I managed to yell as I soared past the trees....... happy eating
to all---pass the cranberries, please
His family was fond of the leg portion for dinner and there were never enough legs for everyone. After many frustrating attempts, the farmer was relating the results of his efforts to his friends at the general store get together. "Well I finally did it! I bred
a turkey that has 6 legs!"
They all asked the farmer how it tasted.
"I Don't know" said the farmer. "I never could catch the darn thing!"